I screamed at God.
Tears streamed down my eyes as I entered into full-blown panic attack mode.
I swore at God too.
I drove my car toward the beach, sat at a red light and wondered if others could see my tears. I wondered if the driver next to me had also sat at red lights while screaming at God, tears streaming down their face. I wondered if this would be my life forever. I felt stuck. Alone. Devastated. Hurt. Emotions that can only be deeply felt and never accurately described.
“I CAN’T $%#@**$ DO THIS ANYMORE!!! I can’t do this. Why aren’t you listening?! God, I need your help! WHY are you allowing this to happen?!!! I CAN’T %$#&* DO THIS ANYMORE!!!”
I screamed between breaths, beating on my steering wheel, broken, beat down, and ready to run away.
I wanted God to immediately intervene and fix my situation. Right then and there.
The truth is, God wanted more from me. He wanted all of me.
He wanted my full surrender.
The truth is, I wasn’t there yet.
The truth is, God created me to be his greatest work and he saw me at the finished line as his most spectacular master piece.
The truth is, he wanted my story to be a glory story, not a victim story.
The truth is, I heard a whisper in my ear that night,
“One day your story for my glory.”
And that would take some gardening in my heart and soul.
Pruning, watering, sunshine, growth.
The truth is a glory story leaves no room for blame, finger-pointing, offense, nor defense.
God’s glory story is about love, redemption, surrender.
God’s glory story is always a happily every after for every character written on every page within every chapter of our hearts.
It begins the moment we turn the page of our ugly chapters and declare:
My story for your glory. God, I’m ready for you to do your work in me.
Today, I’m gardening with God. And it’s the most beautiful adventure of discovering holy spirit treasure, hidden deep within the confines of my heart, soul, and mind. It’s a journey and a daily surrender.
The truth is, I’m still in process.
What are you discovering in this season? Have you uncovered your treasure? Have you discovered the treasure in others? Are you in the process of gardening? Together, we learn. Together, we grow. Together, we are getting better at love.