I am going to keep sharing. I have to.
Because I am now free.
But there are many women who cannot break free from abuse they face on a daily basis.
I know the hopelessness, the loss of dreams, the inability to move from one’s bed, couch, home.
I’ve known the deep dark pit of despair, the cave I was unable to crawl away from.
I speak because I’ve been told to stay silent.
And I’ve learned that abuse is enabled through the silence.
I’ve learned despair grows through the enabling of those who do not want the hard stories shared.
I speak into a church system that has enabled abusers while silencing victims.
I can no longer sit by and watch.
I speak, to bring healing to my own soul and for the women who cannot yet leave. So they will know, they are not alone. And perhaps, within my own story, someone might catch a glimpse of hope.
I’m lucky, I have a brother and sister in law, who I now live with, who remind me daily of who I am and who’s I am. Not everyone has this. I have looked my brother and sister in law in the eyes, crying heartbroken words such as, “Why does he want her and not me?” and “Why does he hate me?” through many seasons. Words no wife should ever have to whisper.
Understand, friends, losing toxic thoughts after leaving an abusive situation takes days, months, sometimes years of detoxing. I am blessed to have a support system. But, I have sat in therapy sessions with women who have been isolated and have noone.
By the time one escapes a toxic marriage, they have lost themselves.
The glimmer of life once known in their eyes has disappeared.
So now, I speak because there are women who cannot.
We are beautiful women. Powerful. Glorious.
Women in despair: I see you. I hear your cries.
I will keep speaking for myself.
And for you.