There is not a wrong way nor a right way to fully grieve.
I do believe, however, that many of us were taught that it’s not okay to grieve.
Years ago, I attended a group therapy workshop. The goal: to fully grieve a loss. Each person in attendance was dealing with loss. Some death. Others, health. Divorce. Job.
The loss of a dream.
Each of us will deal with loss throughout our lifetime.
Each of us will grieve in our own way.
Some public. Some private.
The workshop taught me the importance of fully grieving loss. For the first time, I was granted permission to feel loss deeply, profoundly.
To breath it in and let it go.
Grief has many stages. There are no rules one must follow in order to grieve. It is, however, important to feel each stage deeply.
If we don’t allow ourselves to fully grieve loss, pieces of our heart and soul will become stuck in process. Perhaps anger will take root or bitterness will plant itself ever so slightly into our being.
We must feel it,
Breath it in and let it go.
Each stage, thoroughly acknowledged and worked through.
Anger. Denial. Isolation. Bargaining. Deep Sorrow and Depression. Acceptance.
There is no right or wrong order to the grieving process. Yet, each feeling that corresponds is entirely okay. Some will describe their process as a roller coaster. Others, a circle. Most will feel the stages several times through, perhaps backtracking through certain stages again and again.
I’m not sure we entirely heal from loss. I think loss leaves a forever scar. And at the most unexpected moment, the pain will rise again.
I’ve experienced grief.
In the grocery store. In my car. While listening to a song that evokes a memory.
My initial response is to hide my grief behind sunglasses. Or to run to the nearest restroom until the tears stop flowing.
What would happen if we allowed each other to grieve fully?
No restrictions, nor rules.
What would happen if we stop making grief awkward while embracing each other’s process?
What if in the midst of grief, we hold each other’s hearts near?
What if we allow each other space to grieve uniquely and without judgement?
A smile. A touch. A whisper of, “I’m sorry, I’m here. If you need me.”
No words trying to make grief better, but rather, hearts that become a safe space.
Can we do this for each other?
Can we allow each other to be fully human?
I think this. Might be love. Amplified.
Let’s allow it. Embrace it. Breath it in. Feel it thoroughly. Let it go.
And grant permission to each other to fully grieve as well.
I’m still working through my own loss. Losses.
Breathing it in. Letting it go.
Granting myself permission to thoroughly experience the entire process. Granting others permission and a safe space to do the same.
Grief: A process that reminds us, we are human.
We are all more alike than different.
In the midst, to the core, somehow… I see love.