Talk to God: My Secret Prayer about Love and Forgiveness

So, I’m beginning to write, God.

God: Yeah, we’ve been working through this for quite awhile. It’s time.

I don’t know what the heart of my story is supposed to be.


God: We’ve been working through this too. You tell them who I was for you, who I became for you, and who I am for you now. You tell them about my heart. About love.

I remember that vision, God, where we sat together and talked about your heart and you showed me how to go about forgiving my own father. And I remember how, for the first time, I was able to see you as a Father. I remember I didn’t want to leave that moment.

God: That’s a good memory we shared together, Christelle.

I’m still in process, God.

God: Yes, I know.

I’m having a hard time forgiving.

God: Yes, I know. 

Silence. Thinking. Pondering.

God, what’s your favorite memory of us?

God: Oh, I have several, but, one of my favorite was the day you were born. You know, Jesus was there. Sitting at the foot of your mom’s bed. I gave your dad your name.

I always wondered, God. Cuz it’s not like the others.

God: I wanted your name to always hold within it who you are and who’s you are. I wanted it written on your birth certificate because I knew there would be dark moments and lies spoken around you telling you who you are not. I whispered your name to your dad… a prophetic expression of your life and destiny.

Silence. Processing. Thinking.

How do I forgive them, God?

God: You know the answer, Christelle. You need to see them through my eyes. I gave you three sons. The way you see your sons is exactly how I see all of my children. When you see them through my eyes, you will be able to forgive them. You’ve been hanging onto hurt for too long. Step by step, moment by moment, we are going to walk through it and let it go. Remember the day I showed you myself as a Lion, and together we forgave your father? I love you child, and I love them too, exactly the way you love your boys.

I’ve prayed my entire life to be more like you, God. To love like you.

God: (chuckling) I know. You’re become more love daily. I see you as I made you. A living expression of my love for you and all your brothers and sisters.

That’s alot of love.

God: (smiles)

God: You know, to be like me, you’re going to need to answer your phone.

Silence. Pondering.

Well, I have a job where I need to do that very thing. You always do that, God. That thing where I learn something profound about you in some abstract way. How do you do that?

God: I speak your language, Christelle. Love speaks your language.

Well, if the phone call is mean or abusive, I’m  hanging up. Just letting you know.

God: That’s your choice. You can make any choice you want.


God: Remember the times when you were really angry at me? So angry that you were cussing at me and yelling?

You’re doing it again.

God: I didn’t turn away.

You didn’t hang up and you listened. I remember, God. This love thing takes a lot of practice. Sometimes, I think I don’t want to be like you anymore. It’s too hard. But ultimately, I do. I want to be love.  I want to be like you.

Silence. Pondering.

You did it again. Showing me the heart of a father, mother, and  heart of a son and daughter. Every child wants to be just like their parent. Every sons admires and adore their father. A healthy father relationship on earth is a living breathing prophetic expression of your heart.

That’s wild…


Published by christellelerryn

Blogger with a thing for love and hope and grace and adventure. Wrote a Children's Book. Creative. Work in a homeless shelter and treatment facility. Every day I hear the words "I just can't do this anymore" and I remember when I whispered those very words. And I remember hope that whispered through my soul from stories like yours. We all have one. A story. We are more alike than different.

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