“Anxiety was born in the very same moment as mankind. And since we will never be able to master it, we will have to learn to live with it— just as we have learned to live with storms.”
– Paulo Coelho
What does anxiety feel like in the midst? Here’s my journey and a bit about the healers who show up for me.
Someone asks how I am.
I can’t stop crying but they don’t see because conversation is by text, DM, a short call.
Few get in, in the midst.
I don’t want to burden.
I close the door.
Turn off the phone.
I tell myself I have to get out of bed.
But it’s easier to stay in
and not let anyone see me this way.
Anxiety does not want pity.
Isolation is both my friend and my enemy.
My mind spins.
Too many thoughts.
If only I could swim my way out.
My heart races.
I might throw up.
I might pass out.
Maybe I’m dieing.
Maybe they’re going to die.
Maybe the world is going to come to an end.
Anxiety sees the worst.
Sometimes, hopes for the best.
It hates fake hope.
It hates false optimism.
Just be real, it screams.
You can’t actually be completely fearless in the midst
of a worldwide crisis.
Where are the real people?
Anxiety begs for the healers.
The true healers.
Healers who create peace.
Healers who text.
Send a message.
The one’s who wait
anxiety turns off the phone.
Anxiety doesn’t respond.
But when it answers,
Anxiety appreciates the healers who:
don’t expect a response and who are not offended by the lack of response.
Healers who listen, without pretending to know.
Play their music and create peace.
Healers who whisper, “this is a very difficult time”.
Because identifying the challenge eases the shame and guilt of anxiety.
Healers light their candle
and stand with anxiety, often in silence.
And in this season, when we can’t touch or meet in person
the healers sit
We take deep breaths together.
We share big healing sighs.
A candle is lit to remind the soul
light loves to dance
in the dark.
Healers remind me that we are all struggling.
We are in this together.
Virtual hugs for all.
Today’s been a hard day, for many of us. I think, being real, in the midst, goes farther toward healing than presenting false optimism and false hope. Real is the medicine I need. How about you?
Share with me. Your light, your love, your struggles, and how you are doing in the midst: